maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
