Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
