i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
