You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
