The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
