Nicole vs. Life
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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