..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ambien. No doubt about it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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