The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize