You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
