omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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