i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
