My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
