Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
