Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
