threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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