Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
