I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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