Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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