Dude my mom stole all your condoms
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
they need to just BURY HIM!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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