Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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