Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
