It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
