Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
