and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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