apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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