Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
