Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
