I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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