your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize