You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
