Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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