Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
