my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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