I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
