1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
