after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize