i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
