I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
