I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
