he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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