oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We named our party play list daddy issues
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
