last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
