I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
