he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Damn victory sex feels great
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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