i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
