It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
