You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we have pet lesbian snakes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
