and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
