I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
