season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
