I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize