Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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