I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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