we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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