im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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