was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
