why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize