I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
