the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
