but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
