I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
