shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
