I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
