Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
