my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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