he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
