didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
