You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
