Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize