I'm lost and stupid without you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
