Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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