my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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