The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
