I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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