i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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