he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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