Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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