Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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