Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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