I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
