I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
