What a fucking waste of an outfit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
