Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
