i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
