areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
