every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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