It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize