She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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