i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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