Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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