i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
