So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
