How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
