Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize