I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
