Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
