You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
