I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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