I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
