I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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