Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
