glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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