ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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