My girlfriend figured out who you are.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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