Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
